Deep Throat, three decades later

It's unusual for a story to show up that answers a question 30 years after the fact. Sure, we have the cold case file mysteries on TV, but those are often just a matter of improved technology saving the day.

In the case of Deep Throat, however, it's just been a matter of time.

This is one of those "You had to be there" kind of stories. If you don't particularly care what happened back in 1973-1974, it won't be of interest.

If, however, you remember the broadcast testimony that kept people riveted to their TVs and radios, this was a watershed event.

Fish and visitors

Ah, that well-known pairing, said to stink after three days.

The gentleman mentioned here had apparently run out of ways to get his unwelcome visitors to leave his mother's house.

I'll go out on a limb and guess there's some rampant stupidity at work here.

You get arrested for setting fire to your own house? Because you can't come up with any better plan than setting your house on fire?

I can't be the only person who sees this as further proof the Earth is somehow tipping off its axis.

Heaven knows its inhabitants are tipping off theirs...

Can I just use it 'til I need glasses?

Back in March, there were reports that linked Viagra use to blindness -- under certain health circumstances.

Now, according to this story, the number of those afflicted is increasing.

Surely there is some humor in this. Could this be Nature's way of saying "Enough already"?

Given the choice between seeing or doing it blind for the rest of my life, I'll vote for sight -- every time.

More hazardous -- smoking or drinking?

Many people aren't regular smokers. They only light up when they're in a bar, because it gives them something to do with their hands. I've often wondered which is the more dangerous activity... is it smoking, because of its poisonous effects, or drinking, which can cause severe lapses in judgment?

Well, our Einstein Collection for 2005 has a nominee from Arkansas. You can read about his exploits in this story.

It appears that drinking gets the nod, based on this guy.

This must've looked like some weird cartoon to his friend who was driving.

Maybe the answer is that either smoking or drinking can be hazardous, but put them together with a moving vehicle and something bad is bound to happen.

It was here a minute ago

Well, the Russians have apparently lost a lake.

I see a troubling pattern here. It's not the actual disappearance of the lake.

It's the belief expressed by the "old woman" that the U.S. had something to do with this.

We may be capable of a lot of things, but I don't see lake theft as high on our list. Given the way we fuss and fume with each other these days, if we did somehow steal a lake, we'd probably fight over who gets credit for it.

So, rest easy, "old woman."

We aren't the cause of all of the evils in the world. We're too busy with our own battles.

1000 uses for duct tape

Apparently, the number of uses for duct tape should be reduced from 1,001 to 1,000.

After reading this story, there can be no doubt that making duct tape part of your, um... play time should be seriously considered before you use it.

Imagine the look on this gentleman's face when the wife brought out the scissors and announced her plan.

According to her, she didn't intend to cut him.

All I know is cutting implements and certain body parts are never a good match.

Especially when duct tape's involved.

"I just want my weenie back"

Granted, that's obvious titillation on my part... call it gratuitous headlining, if you will.

But losing your 10-foot wiener is no laughing matter.

I don't know which is more bizarre, the concept of a giant smiling wiener, or eating at a place that has one...

Regardless, if you're in South Carolina, please be on the lookout for an incredibly large...

I'm sorry. I just can't type this with a straight face.

Only in America...

I spoke too soon

OK, I'm probably behind the curve here, as I've been ignoring mainstream news for a few days. Let's just say "The Daily Show" gives me a more accurate assessment of current events than everything found on TV, newspapers, and the Internet combined.

Just for once, though, I'd like to be the person writing the check for something like this eBay item...

Let's see... how many zeroes in this price?

LOL.

Selling on eBay makes for some interesting outcomes. I wonder if there's a payment plan available, or if you just pray real hard that God will let you hit the Powerball numbers so you can pay for this.

P.S. Since eBay cancelled a number of the bids, you have to go to the item's Bid History to see how much some people were willing to "pay."

Jesus heads for the mountains

OK. Just when the burning question "Where can I find Jesus?" enters your head, here comes the answer.

West Virginia, as indicated in this story.

I'm sure there have been other people who have wanted to be known as Jesus Christ. Given the outcome of His first visit here, though, don't count me in.

But why would this Jesus want to relocate near the Lost River?

Did he misunderstand the whole idea of "seeking the lost?"

The reaction of the WV state trooper that pulls this guy over the first time would just have to be priceless.

"Put your hands where I can see them. And no miracles, please."

eBay and its idiot users

The great thing about eBay is its ability to equalize people -- apparently to the same level of stupidity.

As shown here, some doofus is willing to pay over $15K for a piece of toast that some other doofus carved with a stupid picture on it.

Yep, no one ever went broke underestimating the stupidity of the American people.

OK, maybe the toast-carver can now go back to his/her/its previous life. Your 7 days of fame are up, stooge. The actual purchaser (who simply should never be allowed to vote or drive) will now take over.

Everyone goes away happy.

Except for the panting press, which will probably follow this until someone eats the piece of toast.

Can you imagine how moronic these lines will sound in 50 years -- "Yes dear, your grandfather was the one that bought the toast. No dear, he didn't actually leave us an inheritance. Yes dear, you have some of his DNA."

Welcome to the goodenuff world, chapter 2

I blasted the previous blog away on 5/8. I could've kept it and written two blogs in parallel, but that seemed like needless overkill.

Rather than maintaining two separate blogs, this one may have more opinion (if that's possible), will definitely have more outbound links, but won't have as much personal information.

The world's just too weird.